Ina’s lies against my person clarified
Some lies are being peddled against my person by someone named Ina Alleco Silverio.
I wish to set them straight according to my own lights.
In her misguided effort at revenge, Ms Silverio says in her testimonial that I (am):
1) Graceful as a ballerina when he wants to be (and when pushed, prodded and begged by friends);
I do not dance, at least not now when my waistline’s gone. I waddle.
2) Reads law mysteries in the john;
American court drama is no mystery. Like its politics and culture, American jurisprudence all about money. What is mysterious about that?
Besides, whatever makes Ina think I am capable of thought in between spincter movements is entirely false.
3) Can consume 3 bowls of vetsin diluted with boiling water per day;
The large amounts of flavor enhancers I consumed with abandon in Hong Kong are not monosodium glutamate. According to Marcos propagandists they are ground bones of dead Chinese!
4)
Makes the error of not wearing socks with new sneakers, then marches
for over two hours from the commercial district to government offices
in Hong Kong;
The error was asking for Gian Paolo Oliveros’ thoughts.
5) The first person I’ve seen up close to drink Irish beer;
If Ina has seen Ilocanos slurp Pinapaitan soup, then I wasn’t the first one. Guinnes and genuine Iluko Papaitan tastes the same.
6) Generous lender of pashminas;
I’m not! She took it out of my bag!
7) Underneath the seemingly serious image of writer/reporter/broadcast journalist is a fashionista waiting to come out;
I just asked her what jacket I should wear. Is that being a fashionista? Fashion to me is my pants zipped up. Nothing more.
Can slay annoying people with a secret sarcastic comment;
My sarcasm is always laid bare for all to see. I don’t have enough facial muscle control to hide what I think when I think.
9) Lord High Dungeon Master of the Strange Dragon Fruit;
Not finishing that delightful bowl of vetsin soup to the last drop, that’s what’s strange. She should leave the dragon fruit alone!
10) You’d be lucky to be one of his roommates.
Ina’s officemate doesn’t think so.
There, I have succesfully destroyed all her lies with my honest and lucid clarifications.
Affiant further sayeth none. Defense rests its case.
